A quiet night…

What I’m doing…sitting quietly in our room typing and thinking of at least 100 different things….prayers for a dear friend and her child to be healed….this AMAZING house that I found today…I can’t actually get it out of my mind and I very desperately want to GET IT OUT of my mind…it’s literally exactly what I have pictured in my mind for our “forever” home…and in our price range, which is unreal for this house…it’s perfect..P.E.R.F.E.C.T.

It even looked like some amazing family was having their Thanksgiving gathering there when I drove by…you know…all the beautiful leaves scattered all over the yard, several cars in the driveway, sweet, inviting front porch with beautiful mums..ok-not completely sure about the mums, but whatever….

I WANT this house. it even has a sidewalk…do you know what a sidewalk does for my soul??? How stupid is that-a sidewalk, but seriously, it makes my soul sigh….It is right across from the campus school playground, which is petty much just a beautiful park-like setting that my kids could play in as often as they like….and we would all walk, no skip, joyfully, hand-in-hand down the SIDEWALK to our sweet playground and peacefully walk back to our Promised Land home with our 2 golden retrievers awaiting our arrival, Barkley and Molly, quietly wagging their tails and being perfect obedient dogs…OK-maybe I’ve gone too far, with the imaginary freakish dogs….

Why do we do this? Do only women do this? I can SO vividly see this picture in my head, but also FEEL this in my soul0literally IN MY SOUL. My stomach literally hurts thinking that we will very likely not get this house. ours isn’t even on the market…and it’s just so perfect…..I am about to cry….what is it about this that makes me so unravelled?

I am thankful for EVERYTHING that we have and even more thankful to Christ for the provisions that He so generously provides us with, so why this deep, painful longing about this? I have healthy childre-all honor and glory and praise to GOD alone for that….a great marriage and unbelievable husband who couldn’t be any better than he already is…2 dogs, that are, well, sort of ok….


Ok-done with that now-obviously God needs to get a hold of me and do His work because I am all of a sudden without peace about our house situation again…but I am so afraid of giving to God, what if He takes this away? I whole-heartedly believe that if so, then He has something even better…but what if in our time together, he says, “No child, not yet” again? I know, that yet again, He will provide healing and peace…but please God, this time, let it be different, let it be our Promised Land…it SO feels like our Promised Land this time…..

And I’ve worked myself into tears, so stupid…..

OK-on to bigger things…

what am I thankful for right now? This fantastic new idea that our Sunday School is starting with a daily e-mail devotional. I think it will be AMAZING and I know that Christ is all over it.  It’s my ‘sweet spot” in ministry again and I praise God for this opportunity.

Who am I thankful for? Amy J.

She had her heart in it to and when her heart is into something, WATCH OUT!!! I just love her so much and really, this sounds ridiculous, but strive to be like her! She is so put together and organized and never late…so the opposite of me…she knows all the rules, real ones and social ones and I never seem to get either of those right!

Anyway,  her heart is awesome and her skills a force to be reckoned with, so with her on board, WATCH OUT world, here HE comes…

OK-still crying…gotta stop before Josh comes in and begins to worry that I’ve lost my mind!



Our Promised Land


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. patinaandcompany
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 13:33:32

    I think it is inevitable that women want houses and things that contribute to the lives of our children and the things we are responsible for. Surely we are supposed to be like this!


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